This is wonderful

WELCOME TO HOLLAND
by Emily Perl Kingsley

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability- to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this...

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip -to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

" Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guidebooks. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills... and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy...and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ...about Holland.

Amy says:
I indeed feel the pain of the lost dream of Italy, I don't think the pain will ever go away. I absolutely am finding more and more lovely things in Holland. I cannot imagine ever having a day when I don't pine for Italy or get my feelings hurt when bad things are said about Holland. I can however imagine yet another day of smiles and hugs and "love you, Mom"s and that is what makes being in Holland so lovely.

Rob says:
I think Holland is nice sometimes too, but other people sure make Italy sound good. The more I look around, the more I see almost everyone I know has been to Holland as well. So maybe those in Italy are the minority, and maybe they are missing something that we are learning.

Threading

Have you ever seen the women at the mall with the threads offering to groom your brows? I was never tempted by these women. I recently had a discussion with somebody that had never had a waxing but had an eyebrow threading and said that it was painful. I was intrigued and had to learn for myself if there was a pain worse that plucking out hairs one at a time and usually pinching your skin too. I prefer the pain of ripping out several hairs at once and plan to maintain between waxings (plan, I said plan).

I went to a really nice-looking store front, not Eyebrows R Us (really, there is such a place) but something with Diva and Beauty in the name. I slunk down i the chair and the threader lady had me pull the skin above my eyebrow toward my hairline and the skin below my brow line toward my eye.

What I can tell you is eyebrow threading falls exactly between plucking and waxing. The bonus to threading is you can hear a crunch type of sound when the threads and the hairs collide or maybe it is the hair being ripped out of your skin, I don't know. I also don't know if I recommend it, I suppose there is a better chance of me returning to the threading than of me plucking on my own.

Feelin out of the loop

So with all the big H1N1 news and concern, the schools are teaching our children the importance of sneezing or coughing into your elbow crook instead of into your hand and spreading germs everywhere.

That being said, I haven't said anything to my kids about where to sneeze, just glad they are covering it up. I am still old school however, and sneeze into my hand. Today, I was busted. And I am sure you know by who. How is it that the 3 year old catches everything except when you tell him to put away the toys?

This afternoon I sneezed into my hand and Ridge says, "Your hands are covered in germs!"
Wanting to see where this goes, I said, "What should I do with the germs?"
Ridge:"Mom, you should sneeze in your elbow!"

Let that be a lesson to all that it is now the rule to sneeze into your elbow. I would not want you to be schooled by the pre-school set like I was.

Just love Emma

"Never let a problem to be solved become more important than a person to be loved."
President Thomas Monson

This past year, Rob and I spent time pondering how to best help Emma. We were given the opportunity to put her through another round of testing. This was her second test on her blood. So, with a vial of blood from Rob, Emma, myself, a sizable check and a great amount of hope, we submitted to yet another test. This test is apparently the latest of technology, the best hope of defining what could possibly be "wrong". After several weeks, the results came back normal. Again, we are told Emma is "normal". At this point, there is nothing to be done but quietly submit to the result, shaking our fists to the Heavens, grilling the genetic councilor, crying and crying are not responses that seem to work so, we save our energy and press on.

It has occurred to me that what is really important is that Emma is happy and healthy and that she is getting what she needs. Does it matter what is "wrong" with Emma? Will it make a difference to know she has XYZ syndrome? Can we do something more for Emma? How much time and money do we spend to define why Emma is the way she is.

DOES ANY OF THIS MATTER???

Maybe. What if we can define the syndrome and learn that there will be health complications to watch for. What if we define the syndrome and learn that a new therapy is available to help with cognitive processing. What if we can find others who have blazed a trail before us or who are behind us on our trail.

What if's are hard, they make us question, they poke holes in our resolve to just love Emma and move on. We of course love Emma and we press on but is there something, is there just one more thing, one more test, one more doctor, one more...................

Just love Emma. The problem to solve=the syndrome to define must never be so consuming that we forget to enjoy and have fun with the incredible girl that we have been given.

Just love Emma.