Sharing again

I have not written about Emma for sometime but I have been thinking lots about her and a few things that I would like to share.  We are currently deciding whether or not to hire a tutor for Emma during the summer.  We decided to skip the summer school option offered by the school district for reasons like; it starts at 7AM, her IEP would only be minimally enforced-if at all, it is only for the month of July.  In the past I have attempted to turn her over to the summer school program but sometimes a mom just has to go with her gut. 

When we turned Archer over to the school district, we didn't have any hesitation about what would go on.  We were confident that he would hang with the best of them, get good grades, and become a productive citizen.  When it was time to turn Emma over to the district at the age of 3, it was with great hesitation.  Is three too little?  Will she get enough attention?  Will she be loved and embraced?  Fortunately we had a great teacher named Tammy Ward.  Tammy did love our Emma and celebrated her accomplishments and looked for the good things that were happening.  Rob and I made a choice to keep Emma with Tammy for a second year instead of sending her to the teacher that would push academics and handwriting and other skills.  We thought we made the best choice for our child.  We became confused on our way.  We were concerned about the lack in progress we were seeing in Emma.  We found an advocate.  We found a bulldog of an advocate.  This former Mother of the Year (really, she won an award) gave us such an amount of courage, confidence, direction, and help we couldn't believe we had suffered through painfully long IEP's without her.  When we informed the school that we would be bringing our advocate, her name brings such clout that the area Regent attended every IEP we had until last year when Emma was in first grade.  We had to fight for things that were and are never offered because it is a fight and the district doesn't volunteer the options.  Our advocate came up with an extra session of preschool for Emma to attend to try to make up for the developmental skills she would be missing by not going with the teacher that worked on the academics.  I had never heard of the district having district paid programs in day-care facilities!  I had no idea that there were options outside of go to the school building and come home.  We fought for our child in a way that was scary and ridiculous.  Have you ever had to dig your heels in about getting homework assigned for your 4 year old?  We have.  (Our intent was to see what she was doing at school and follow up at home, not crack the whip and force it out of her.)  Have you ever left the room during an IEP for a huddle about how the game is played?  (The sadness that I have over it all being a game to be played is too immense to cover here)Have you ever cried in front of 11 people because you had so many emotions ontop of the fact that you couldn't get what your child needed?  Fighting the district SUCKS!  Fighting with an advocate helps. 

I still carry guilt over what happened with Emma's preschool teacher.  I feel terrible that after Emma's last year of preschool her teacher stopped teaching.  My heart aches at the thought that we had anything to do with the fact that she felt she was done.  We are forever grateful for all that we learned and all that was done for Emma by Tammy.  It is truly unfortunate that we had to fight the district so hard to get what we thought our child needed. 

Looking back now, Rob and I both know that much of our fight was out of the fear that Emma would never catch up to her peers.  I think we lived in the world of "if only"  If only we had more time to work on hand writing.  If only she had fewer distractions.  If only she had homework for us to work on with her.  If only there were fewer students.  If only she had her own aide.  THEN she would catch up and be normal.  If only........